Meghana on Identity, Acting as Self-Discovery, and Representation
A conversation on acting, education, the state of south asian representation in the media.
by Tanvi Bendigeri
Meghana and I have been friends since we were kids, so this conversation was a very special one; it felt more like catching up than conducting an interview. We discussed what got her into acting, her experience so far at Rutgers and the ongoing process of carving out space in a predominantly white industry. As someone navigating similar questions through design, I resonated deeply with her reflections on identity and finding authenticity in your practice. Meghana also shared insight into her acting process and how she’s beginning to shape her own path through performance. This interview is proof that although our mediums are vastly different, there is so much we can learn from each other.
Tanvi: Okay, awesome. Can you introduce yourself—your name, pronouns, and tell me a bit about your creative practice?
Meghana: Mm-hmm. Well, my name is Meghana, my pronouns are she/her. I’m an actor at Rutgers Mason Gross. I’m in my third year. I actually didn’t really start acting until high school. I was a dancer for my entire life. And then I was like, “Let me try out this whole musical theater thing.” And then I got really into acting and I threw myself into it. I started going to an afterschool program, outside of my high school, and the teacher there was a Mason Gross alum. So I found out about it through that, and then I got in here and it’s just been like: it was a slow build and then a really fast immersion into acting and theater and all of that. I’m completely steeped in it here.
T: So wait, if I remember correctly, that’s a pretty competitive program, right?
M: It is. Yeah. They accept—it’s usually 20 people per year. The first-year company now has 25, and when they announced who was gonna be accepted, everyone was like, that’s so many people. We’ve never had that big of a company here. It’s always around 20. Right now my class is at 17.
T: Wow, that’s tiny! Okay, so a random little question. What was the last thing you drank that wasn’t water?
M: Coffee! I’m having coffee right now.
T: What kind of coffee? Like is it just coffee, by itself?
M: It’s espresso, and then I put milk and creamer in it because I love that. I drink hot coffee. I can only drink iced coffee if it’s that kind of weather where, when you were in high school, it made you go stir crazy. Like, I need to get out, I need it to be summer. I can only drink iced coffee at that time of year. When it’s like, oh, I’m raring to go. Yeah, it’s summertime. It’s time.
T: [Laughs] Got it! So you kind of already answered this, but what drew you into acting? What made you think, this is it for me?
M: With dance, it was always—and I love dance, it’s still… like now acting is my passion and dance is my hobby. Which is a really nice thing, to have something that I care so much about be just something I do for fun. But with dance, it’s this thing where you need to be exact and fit into the group and not stand out.
But with acting, especially here, it’s: how do you bring who you are to every character? Our teachers always tell us people are going to hire you because you’re able to bring the specific isms that make you who you are to every single character. And that idea—something about acting makes me feel so much… this is so cheesy—but it makes me feel so much like myself. Every time I do it, there’s this love for everything around it, and it feels like a warm hug.
T: Interesting. So through playing different roles, you’re kind of freeing yourself?
M: Yeah, it’s like getting to explore all these different sides of myself. What would I be like if I was in this situation? What would I be like if I was this person? I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself so much better since I started acting. It’s like exploring every single side of myself.
T: So what’s your process? Are you like... method or...?
M: [Laughs] No, method is… So there’s the whole history of it. It started out with Stanislavski, who thought of this whole acting process, and he taught Strasberg and Meisner and Uta Hagen and I believe Stella Adler. I don’t know as much about it as I should. So Strasberg is method. Meisner is what we learn at Mason Gross, and it’s what I learned in high school too. Meisner is like—the way I described it to my friend one time, he was like, “Oh, so you just gaslight yourself into thinking you’re in these situations.”
It’s like, say I have a script and in the script my character’s kid died. What I would do is make a scenario for myself to think about before I go into the scene—like if Zuko, my dog, died. It’s not real; I’m not thinking of an actual memory that’s going to tear me up inside. But it’s something steeped in enough meaning that thinking about it gets me to the same emotional place.
T: Yeah, because there are different situations where different emotions
apply. Like losing your kid isn’t the same as losing your husband or something like that.
M: Exactly. Exactly. Oh my god, you get it! Yeah. I love watching actors talk about their processes and stuff. Like, you know Sebastian Stan? He graduated from Rutgers, so he’s a Meisner actor.
T: Oh my god, wow. No big deal, just a crazy alum. Okay, so was there a specific defining moment for you where you were like, I’m gonna take this seriously. I’m gonna do this?
M: There was, actually. When I joined the drama club in high school—it was not good. I want to make sure that’s known. We had a fall showcase, and then there was a spring musical. My freshman year, I did the showcase and I was like, oh my god, this rocks. And then the spring musical came around and I was like, oh, actually this is terrible. I didn’t like the director at all.
Some of the seniors I was friends with overheard me talking about it and sat me down. They told me, “You should really stick with this.” And I would’ve quit if they hadn’t talked to me. But they said, “There’s something that happens to you when you’re on stage—and you should pursue that.” So I decided, okay, let me stay in the drama club. I got closer with one of the girls in my grade because of it, and she introduced me to this afterschool school called Actors Playground, where the teacher was a Rutgers alum. I started going there and they were doing real stuff. Like, real scene study and the Meisner exercise and it wasn’t just about performance, it was about learning.
So I was around all these people and I was like, oh, this is what I want. These people were putting their nose to the grindstone and working on it because they love it, and working on it in every facet. That’s when I think I really knew. Being around the people at Actors Playground, I was like, this is what I want. This is the community I want. This is the world I want to be a part of.
And my parents—they didn’t let my brother go to film school because it’s a harder thing. Like, how do you go to film class? But I was going to acting class, memorizing stuff at home, going to rehearsals from like 3 to 5 p.m. every day—or 3 to 8 some days. So my parents were like, “Okay, if you keep this up, we’ll let you.”
T: Got it. Yeah, I feel like that’s also a big rarity—your parents actually letting you pursue these kinds of things.
M: Yeah. I feel like for how supportive our parents are, we’re both so lucky. And our parents talk about it too. A lot of parents would just be like, “Yeah, that’s what she’s studying,” and move on. But I’ve heard your parents talk about how proud they are of you at school and all the things you’re doing.
T: Yeah. I mean, your parents are obviously so proud of you too! So then kind of tacking onto that—was it hard for them to come around? Just like, to settle themselves with it?
M: It was. I think they saw in me that it was my thing. I used to—like at 14—I’d be like, “If I get a desk job, I will die.” At 14! I used to say that. From when I was a kid, I always really loved the arts. I remember telling my mom I wanted to be an author. And I really stuck with that for a while. It was always something in the arts. Then I was like, “I think I want to be a lawyer,” and she was like, “That’s a terrible idea.” I was like, “Okay, cool.” Then I came back around to being an actor.
But it was... I feel like they watched from afar. There was a time they pulled me out of Actors Playground because my mom was like, “You’re not taking it seriously enough for us to be paying this kind of money.” I think that was a wake-up call. Having to be away from it really made me realize even more how much it meant to me. So that was a rough thing to happen, but I feel like it needed to. It made me realize it’s not a right, it’s a privilege to get to do this. Because if we’re being honest, you don’t need to go to school to be an actor. Absolutely not.
Art will happen no matter what, but to learn how to do it is such a privilege.
That rough patch really taught me how much of a privilege it was. And I think that’s such an Indian parent thing—to be like, “No, you’re done.” And then eventually I earned it back. I was able to go back again. The people at Actors Playground helped me get my auditions in for school because my parents had no clue how to help me. It was such a different application process.
So I got so much help from the people at Actors Playground. I told them, “I don’t think I would’ve gotten into school if it wasn’t for all of you.” And my parents definitely agreed.
T: I know exactly what you mean, it’s all so different! So, have you faced any challenges in the industry as a South Asian, or because of your race or anything like that?
M: It’s definitely… there was—it’s so hard. A lot of the time the teachers are like, “We want you to find your own monologues and scenes,” and they say, “Find something that’s particular to your identity.” And it’s so hard to find stuff. Like, so hard to find—and good stuff. I don’t want to do something just because it’s an Indian role. I want to do something good.
T: Like if it’s from Mindy Kaling, just because it’s Mindy Kaling.
M: I don’t like her at all, I feel like she set us back. I hate to say it. It sucks. It sucks because like, I hate to see a brown woman successful and then hate on her. But if I see a non-Desi person hate on her, I’m like, get out. You can’t hate from outside the club. [Laughs]
But we don’t have any South Asian faculty here. When we go abroad to London, there was one South Asian faculty member there who ran the program, and she left. I was devastated to hear that. And there are only two Indian people in the entire company.
I think the school usually handles things really well, but there’s this weird gray area. I think a lot of white people see Indians as, like, “Well, you’re not Black and you’re not white, so where do we put you”
So I feel like a lot of times people treat us like we’re white. It’s so weird. People see the color but not the culture. Which I think is something I see a lot. And it’s never rooted in hate—it’s just ignorance.
T: Yeah. They just don’t know where to place you. Exactly. Okay, wait—I had a thought. What’s your opinion on brown people being cast in roles in Hollywood where the characters have white names?
M: I think that—and I’ve talked about this with the head of my program a
lot—his name is Cameron Knight, he’s a Black man, and he always says, “Every character I play is going to be Black no matter what.”
So I think it’s really not—I don’t care if my character’s name is white. Because no matter what, you’re going to see me on stage, and it is going to be undeniable that I am not white. And I want it to be undeniable.
Our fall show—the first show we ever did here—was about this punk band in Russia called Pussy Riot. They had three of us playing each of the members. It was two of my white friends and then me. Obviously, I’m not a white Russian woman. But there was my body on stage and my name was Nadya. You can’t deny that, and you need to make space for that. But it doesn’t need to be a thing all the time. I think if every time it’s made into a big thing, that diminishes the power of it. Like, having an Indian woman—oh my God, I’ve talked about this before—I think it would be so interesting to do a production of Taming of the Shrew where Kate is played by an Indian woman and Petruchio is played by a white man, like a British man. I think nothing about the lines needs to be changed. Nothing else needs to be changed. Just seeing those bodies on stage is a statement enough.
T: Mm-hmm. Oh, that’s so good. I’ve never thought about it like that. I’ve always looked at it from a viewer’s perspective and thought, ugh, it feels like they just threw a brown person into a role meant for a white person.
So I’ve never thought about it like that. That’s such an interesting perspective.
M: Yeah. I also think there’s some care that
I hope the production would have. If something was written for a white person—or for any person—and then you cast a person of color, just tweak things ever so slightly to make space for it. Like, if you’re in a show written for a white person but a person of color is cast, just have little things of their culture around. If you see their home, maybe it’s a little more Indian. If you see whatever—it doesn’t need to be stereotypical. Just a little bit of care. That’s just a little bit more work, but it’s not the end of the world. It’s not this big project that needs to happen.
T: I love that. Okay, so kind of pivoting here.What inspires you? Are there any actors you really look up to that you’re like, yes, this is who I want to be, or just… What fuels you?
M: I think for a long time, there wasn’t anyone where I was like, I want that career, because there isn’t really anybody Indian who’s a big name in the industry yet—or like, a powerhouse in the industry yet. And I was like—this is so conceited, but it’s my little ego in the back of my head—I was like, if it has to be me, then it’s going to be me.
But Dev Patel has made such strides. And not only is he good—he’s really good. He’s so good. And like, Monkey Man—he made his own thing. That’s the dream. And like, I’ve been watching Skins recently, and he was so little in Skins. And that wasn’t necessarily a huge role—it was recurring—but not a huge role. It’s so smart and admirable what he’s done, climbing up the ranks. And now that he’s where he needs to be, he’s starting to take control and shift the perspective.
T: Yeah. Dev Patel’s so cool. It’s also really cool seeing everyone thirst over him.
M: I know! I’m always like, yes—exactly. Brown people are hot. Brown people are so hot.
T: Yeah. So do you have a particular project or piece that you’re really proud of? Or something that was your favorite part of your career so far? Maybe a favorite role or project?
M: Oh, that’s a good question. I’m racking my brain. Honestly, this year, I’m starting to make my own stuff because—I’ve talked about this with the head of our program—there just aren’t enough South Asian people to do anything where we get to play who we are.
Which I think is interesting. It’s interesting to have to play outside of us, but there hasn’t been a chance where I’ve—like, again, every role I do is Indian, but there’s never been a chance where I get to sit in it. But there was—this isn’t even a performance—but I found a monologue for my audition class. It’s from a play called ABCD. And it’s about this second-generation Indian girl whose mom is first-gen, and who—like, to survive—kind of wiped out their culture. She doesn’t know anything about their culture.
I found a monologue from that, and it’s about, “I want to know who we are. And you didn’t let me have that.” That monologue is one of my favorite pieces I’ve done here. Because it’s so—it’s just so clear. Without being indulgent. It’s very easy to relate to.
And like, it’s not perfectly written. It’s really not. I won’t deny that. But it was so nice to do something where, like I was saying before about crafting a story to get yourself there—I didn’t have to do that. Really, I didn’t have to work so hard at it. It was there. Which was so nice. And obviously, it’s a really sad piece. Like, it’s really sad.
But there’s also something so joyous about getting to talk about that in a piece. Getting to talk about being Indian in a piece. And actually, my friend just texted me today—somebody in the grade below me wants to do a devised piece about being a first-generation immigrant. So I’m really excited to start working on that too. And once we do that, then I’ll have another thing.
T: That’s so exciting! So, what advice would you give to a young South Asian actor who’s trying to break the glass ceiling and do exactly what you’re doing?
M: I think just sit in who you are. You don’t have to try so hard to bring your culture into your work, because no matter what, your culture is going to be part of your work. And you don’t need to feel bad if you’re not making something “cultured” every single time. It should be as inspiration strikes you. It should always have something behind it.
It’s really going to make a statement when there’s a fire in you that wants to make that thing, tell that story—whatever it is. Then it’s really going to be something.
T: Yeah. Do you have a dream role that you want to play in the future?
M: Jhansi ki Rani. She was this Indian warrior queen. That would be the dream.
T: Oh, like in a Hollywood adaptation or something?
M: Yeah, something like that would be socool. Like nobody knows about her. If you’re brown, you know about her. But nobody else has heard of her. Oh my god. Everybody in my company knows about her because I talk about her all the time. She’s just—like, to tell that story, especially because so much of it would have to be my idea of her. There’s no reporting of her, there’s not like, writings of hers. So I’d get to make that. Also, we call my mom “Jhansi ki Rani.”
T: Aww, that’s so cute, I can so see it. Okay, I guess on that note and in terms of Indian cinema, what’s your relationship like with Bollywood films?
M: I’ve shown everybody at my school—or not everybody, but I had a watch party with like 20 people—for 3 Idiots. I was like, yes, every artist needs to watch this movie. There are just so many things in it. It’s such a different medium, too. When I showed it to them, they were like, “Oh, this is a musical.” I was like, “No, it’s not.” It’s something different. It’s a secret third option. And the cultural difference is so interesting. I didn’t even realize how different it was until I watched it with people who didn’t grow up with it.
And the drama of it—that’s something we’re starting to see in Hollywood now. Like, things that are campy and three hours long. The camp of it is something Hollywood is starting to do in a very different way. Like, I recently re-watched Challengers, where it’s a three-hour movie about a love triangle and they’re playing tennis—and I was like, that’s something that would be very different in Bollywood, but it’s so Bollywood-coded.
T: Yeah! Kind of similarly, and this is very controversial, when La La Land came out, everyone was freaking out. I remember watching it because everyone hyped it up, and I thought, I don’t know if I’m as impressed with this as I could be if I had never watched a Bollywood film.
M: Absolutely. You’re so right. I love La La Land. Is it revolutionary for Hollywood? Absolutely. But honestly it’s just like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge.
T: Yes! Okay, that’s kind of all the questions I have. Do you have anything exciting coming up to share? What’s happening right now—what’s cooking?
M: We’re doing a show called The Wolves this semester. It’s about a soccer team, and you only get to see these girls when they’re on the field. So we get to build every other aspect of them. I want to talk to my director about including different things—like I’m going to ask her if I can keep my Ganesha necklace on, because I think the character would be kind of spiritual. She’s a deep character. So I’m really excited to see what parts of myself I can weave into this character and how much of the open-endedness I can take and make it Indian. I’m really excited for it.
T: Yay, I’m so excited for you! Okay, yeah that’s kind of it! Thank you so much!
M: Of course! This was so fun!
You can follow along with Meghana’s creative journey on Instagram, @mkumxr.